


Five Weeks to Fall

by HeatOfTheImpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, High School AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8424145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeatOfTheImpala/pseuds/HeatOfTheImpala
Summary: In which Dean gets into a no strings attached relationship with the guy he's been crushing on since he was 12. What's the worst that could happen?{Based on this post: http://cocksforcas.tumblr.com/post/130017102250/destielpornlookalike-cas-has-only-had-sex-once}





	1. Prologue

Dean Winchester had been best friends with Castiel ever since he could remember. They went through everything together, from losing their first teeth to their first relationships. Which could explain why, when Cas had eventually come out to Dean at the start of high school, he felt a certain assurance that they could be together when he was ready to do the same. But even after Dean had confessed to experimenting with one or two guys, Cas still didn’t seem to be catching on.

So; when Castiel had introduced him to Balthazar, his boyfriend who went to a boarding school out of state, Dean was annoyed to say the least. And not only because he felt that this guy had taken the place that was pretty much his birth right, but because he was an absolute douche. He had Cas wrapped around his little finger, and he was overtly aware of it. Dean hated him; and he made it very clear from the start.

Cas, being Cas, always saw the good in everyone. They’d been together for almost a year now, and Dean wanted to shoot himself every time Cas mentioned their anniversary. But he kept it together, just so he didn’t have to see the face that Cas made when he got upset. The one he always made when Dean disapproved of something (or someone) he was doing.

Being friends practically since birth, Dean had Cas totally pegged, and vice versa. Which is why when he came over to his house on a Wednesday night out of the blue and laid on his bed insisting he was fine for half an hour, Dean knew he was anything but.

“Dude, you’re being quiet” He pointed out, laying down beside him to look him in the eyes. “What’re you thinking about?”

“Nothing” Cas replied bluntly, but his eyes still squinted a little as if he was trying to decipher something cryptic. It was the same look he’d given Dean when he tried to show him how to change his own oil in his car.

“You’ve got your poop face on, you’re clearly thinking about something” Dean replied, raising his eyebrows in a _you know I’m right_ expression.

“Don’t call it that, I’m not a baby” Cas nudged him, huffing.

“Sorry, sorry” Dean replied, sensing that whatever it was that was bothering Cas, he wasn’t in the mood to joke about it. “Really, what is it?”

“I had sex with Balthazar” Cas blurted, cheeks turning pink as he said it. He looked up at the ceiling after that, like he was scared to meet Dean’s eyes.  

Dean was almost glad he did that; he was sure he wasn’t hiding his hurt very well. It wasn’t that he didn’t know this was a possibility, he just thought that even if Cas had got anywhere close to that he would have told him. And the idea of Cas giving up his virginity to that ass clown was enough to make Dean’s blood boil. “Why?” Was what he settled on after a moment.

“Because he’s my boyfriend Dean and I love him, and I know you don’t like him so don’t even start-” Cas’ voice broke a little and he put his hands over his face.

“Hey, hey” Dean replied softly, sitting up on his elbow. He was using up every bit of his willpower not to go find Balthazar and beat him senseless just for making Cas upset. He kept his voice soft though, knowing Cas didn’t need his judgement right now. “What happened?”

“It wasn’t great” Cas rubbed his eyes, still not looking at Dean when he moved his hands away. “It was so embarrassing, because he knows what he’s doing and I thought I would pick it up but I was so nervous-”

“Everyone’s first time is bad Cas, don’t worry about it” Dean told him. “Do you not remember when I told you about mine?”

“At least you finished” Cas replied, smiling a little despite himself.

“In fifteen seconds, Cas” Dean chuckled softly. “I thought I was going to die of embarrassment”

Cas laughed softly, nudging him. “This is different”

“Not that much different” Dean replied, smiling to him. “Trust me Cas, it’ll be better next time”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about” Cas replied, smile dropping a little. “Balth is uh- finishing school soon and he said he’s moving back here”

“Oh” Dean replied, trying not to look too outwardly disgusted at the idea.

“We talked last night and I think we’re going to get um… more serious when he moves over here” Cas added, looking at Dean as if he was asking him to understand what he meant.

“Okay” Dean nodded slowly.

“I wanna be good for him Dean” Cas said quietly, and Dean had to fight hard to keep his thoughts to himself there. The idea that Cas wasn’t good enough for _anyone,_ let alone Balthazar, was ridiculous.

“You’re too good for him already Cas” Dean replied seriously.

“Not sexually I’m not” Cas replied, biting his lip. “I know you’re good, from what I’ve heard. How’d you get like that?”

“Practise” Dean replied. “It’s just about being in tune with each other and y’know… finding out what makes them tick”

“Could you teach me?” Cas asked, looking away again.

“Teach you how to be good at sex?” Dean raised his eyebrow.

Cas blushed deeply, glancing at Dean for a second before he got up and started putting his shoes back on. “Forget I said that, it was a dumb idea”

“Woah, no Cas wait” Dean sat up, taking his arm. “I’ll do it”

“Really?” Cas asked hopefully, watching him like a kid on Christmas. “And you won’t make fun of me?”

“Of course I won’t” Dean replied. “My uh- parents are taking Sammy to that math thing tomorrow so I have the house to myself until they get back”

Cas nodded quickly, putting his shoes on quickly. “I’ll see you soon then Dean” He replied, face still flushed red as he all but ran downstairs. Dean heard him saying goodbye to his parents before the front door clicked closed.

He laid back and stared at the same point on his celling that Cas’ eyes had been glued to just minutes before.

This was, by every extent of the definition, a bad idea.


	2. Step One: Kissing

_They’re gone. DW_

Dean texted Cas the second his family left, although he was sure he’d be able to see for himself anyway. He did only live across the street. Seemingly, he wasn’t the only one who was eager, as Cas showed up at the door a matter of seconds later, ringing the bell despite the numerous times he’d been told he could just come straight inside.

“Hello, Dean” He nodded when Dean opened the door for him.

“Dude, you can just come inside y’know” He told him, as usual.

Cas stepped inside and wiped his feet before he slipped off his shoes. “That would seem impolite, Dean” He replied, as usual.

When he’d taken off his coat and hung it up by the door, he held his hands in front of him, almost expectantly. For a moment Dean thought on the simple gestures. Cas was practically the definition of innocent; he really didn’t know how Balthazar had managed to win his trust like that.

“We uh- I brought my laptop down here so we can sit on the couch” Dean nodded.

“That sounds nice” Cas replied, as if Dean had just offered him a drink instead of sex lessons.

Dean led the way, sitting with a good distance between them as he started up his laptop. “So uh- I thought I could show you some stuff”

“What kind of stuff?” Cas asked, again giving him the kind of expectant child look that made him wish it was him who Cas was doing this for.

“Well you uh- You wanna learn how to do stuff so I’ll show you some and then uh- tell you about it” Dean nodded, opening the folder with all the links he’d saved.

“I have five weeks” Cas blurted, watching him.

“Five weeks for what?” Dean asked.

“Until Balthazar moves here” Cas nodded. “We don’t have to rush”

“Cas, if you’re nervous we don’t have to do this tonight” Dean replied softly. “Or at all, even”

“I want to” Cas replied. “This just feels very…. impersonal”

“Well yeah, porn usually is” Dean replied, closing his laptop anyway. “So uh, you just want me to tell you?”

“Show me” Cas replied quickly, his face flushing red again.

“I- what?” Dean asked, heart racing at the idea.

“We agreed that uh- we’re not going to be totally exclusive until he moves here” Cas explained, and Dean couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Typical Balthazar.

“Ok so uh- you want me to… _teach_ you” Dean emphasised the word, raising his eyebrows a little.

“If you don’t want to, I understand” Cas replied.

“No, no I want to- I mean-” Dean paused, biting his lip. “You really want me to?”

“I trust you” Cas nodded. “And I know you’ll respect me”

Dean smiled a little at that. “Okay, well then we have five weeks so there’s no need to rush”

“Yes” Cas nodded in agreement.

“So uh- what have you done?” Dean asked softly.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, head tilting a little as his brow furrowed.

“Well uh… I mean I assume you did other stuff before going straight in for the sex, right?”

Cas blushed again and looked down, shaking his head. “It was quite sudden”

Dean took a breath, putting his hand on Cas’ knee. “Cas, I have to ask this because I’m your friend” He started, waiting until Cas met his eyes. “Did he make you do it? I mean- you did want to have sex with him, right?”

“I did” Cas nodded, not seeming as offended as Dean feared he might be. “It was just- a little rushed. But I wanted to, I do love him”

“You don’t have to have sex with someone to show you love them, Cas. Did he tell you that?” Dean replied, trying hard to keep the anger out of his voice.

Cas shook his head, but looked away again. “I want to impress him” He said quietly. “I just feel like I went into it without enough experience”

“Well that’s what I’m here for” Dean replied, cringing a little as he said it. This wasn’t even about his personal gain anymore, now he just hoped that he could show Cas that sex was about more than obligation.

“Can we start umm- something small” Cas asked, looking up at him.

“Sure” Dean agreed. “What about uh- making out? You guys do that?”

“We did… before uh-” Cas trailed off, and Dean nodded his understanding.

“And how was it?” Dean asked.

Cas looked at him, seemingly confused again. “It was…. okay” He shrugged.

Dean chuckled a little. “He obviously didn’t do it right then” He replied, with only a hint of smugness. “Sometimes making out is better than the actual sex”

“How so?” Cas asked, frowning a little.

“Can I uh-” Dean paused. “You want me to show you?”

Cas nodded eagerly, still sitting stiffly next to him. “Yes, please”

“Okay well first thing, you’re going to have to relax” Dean pointed out, nudging his shoulders back a little so he was sat more normally on the couch.

Cas nodded, looking at Dean in anticipation. Dean cleared his throat a little, thinking only for a moment about the fact that this was a terrible idea before he moved closer to him. He cupped Cas’ cheek gently, heart racing as he met his eyes.

“So uh- you wanna start slow” Dean said quietly. “Just kissing like uh- normally I guess and then… just do what feels right”

Cas nodded, moving his own hand to rest on Dean’s hip. “Is this okay?”

Dean nodded, shuffling a little closer to him before he leaned in closer. “So uh- I like to build up to it y’know? Make them want it”

Cas nodded slowly, licking his bottom lip fleetingly as he waited. Dean leaned in a little so their lips were almost touching, just barely letting them brush together. He felt Cas’ hand tighten a little on his hip as he leaned into it.

Dean’s eyes closed as soon as he felt Cas close the gap between them, only just kissing him. Dean could feel his uncertainty, and he kissed back a little more eagerly to assure him he was doing things right. Cas seemed to follow his lead, leaning closer as he kissed back deeply. Dean let out a soft sound as he pushed back against him, nudging Cas’ shoulders back again and climbing into his lap to straddle his waist. He broke the kiss for a second to look at Cas, who was staring at him wide-eyed.

“Is this okay?” Dean asked, and Cas nodded quickly before pulling him back into the kiss by his waist.

Dean ran a hand through Cas’ hair, unsure of whether he could make it look anymore unruly than it already was. He tugged a little, just to test, and he felt heat pool in his stomach at the sound that Cas let out, muffled against his lips. He couldn’t help but shiver a little when he felt Cas’ hands move from his waist, tracing down his thighs a little and then round to his ass, pulling him even closer against him. Dean let out a quiet groan, sliding his tongue gently against Cas’ lips. Cas parted his lips easily for him, moaning softly when his tongue met Dean’s, slowly feeling things out.

Cas pulled back a little after a moment, and Dean begrudgingly did the same, meeting his eyes. Cas swallowed and licked his bottom lip again. “Was that okay?” He asked.

“Dude, that was more than okay” Dean nodded quickly. “Best make out I’ve ever had, I think”

“You’re just saying that” Cas mumbled.

“Dude seriously, you were great” Dean replied. “I usually don’t get going just making out”

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, tilting his head again.

“I uh-” Dean blushed a little. “I really got into it… y’know” He nodded down and then looked back up at Cas.

“Oh. _Oh_ ” Cas blushed. “I um- me too” He nodded, looking away from Dean and at the TV behind him.

Dean couldn’t help but smile a little at that, proud of himself. “Awesome” He replied after a moment. “Maybe next time I can show you how to take care of that, huh?”

“I’d like that” Cas nodded. “Can we switch places? I want to try being on top”

Dean nodded, climbing off him. As soon as Cas got onto his lap, he heard the same voice in his head, reminding him that this was a bad idea.

Still; an hour later, when Cas discovered the wonders of neck kissing, he found it pretty easy to ignore.


	3. Step Two: Handjobs

“Did something happen between you two?” Charlie breaks the silence at lunch the following Monday.

It had been a whole weekend since he’s spoken to Cas, and he was trying not to let his anxiety get the better of him. Cas probably thought it was awkward, or decided it was going to come in the way of their friendship too much for them to continue. Which was a shame, because Dean really wasn’t lying when he said he was the best make-out he’d ever had.

“I have a boyfriend” Castiel frowned after a moment, pushing the same piece of tortilla wrap around his plate as he had been for the past twenty minutes since he finished the thing.

“I meant like a fight” Charlie commented slowly, looking between them. Dean ducked his head a little, sure his pink cheeks would betray him. “Oh my God, did you guys hook up?” She all but squealed.

“Keep your voice down, would you?” Dean snapped, looking up again. They’d attracted some attention, so he went quiet again for a moment before continuing. “It’s not important”

“Um, yes it is” Charlie replied. “You know I ship you two like crazy”

“Charlie, shut up” Dean replied, ignoring the slightly hurt look he saw on Cas’ face from the corner of his eye. He didn’t need the trouble of reading into that.

Charlie didn’t seem offended, just rolling her eyes and putting her drink into her satchel. “C’mon, I’m meeting Jo out back, we can go talk”

“I think I’ll head off to class early if it’s all the same to you” Cas nodded, gathering his things and heading off before they even responded.

Dean sighed heavily. This really wasn’t helping the anxious knot in his stomach. The second they were out of ear shot of the others, Charlie all but glared at him. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Who two?” Jo asked, leaning against the wall as she watched them.

“Charlie thinks there’s something going on with me and Cas, and I told her there isn’t” Dean replied, still staring at Charlie.

“Really? Because you got pretty defensive”

“I got defensive because you were announcing my business to everyone” Dean frowned.

“Aha! Business, that means something did happen” Charlie and Jo both leaned in a little.

Dean sighed and leaned his back against the wall, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes and rubbing them before looking at them again. “We made out”

“When?” Charlie asked quickly, punctuating her question with a punch to his bicep.

“Ow” Dean rubbed his arm. “Friday”

“So he’s broken up with douche face?”

“No” Dean replied, surprising himself a little with how bitter he sounded.

“Dean Winchester, you little home wrecker” Jo commented.

“It’s not like that, they have an… arrangement… thing” Dean mumbled, realising now how stupid the whole situation was going to sound to an outsider.

“And what’s that?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m not asking questions” Dean shrugged. “Cas came to me for help”  

“Oh, is that what they’re calling it now?” Charlie asked, and Jo giggled behind her hand.

“Nothing happened, okay?” Dean replied. “We made out, and that was all”

“How long for?” Charlie asked. “I need details to make up for you not calling me immediately after”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Like an hour? Maybe an hour and a half” He smiled a little to himself when he remembered the disappointed noise that Cas had made when he’d stopped.

“Holy shit” Charlie grinned. “Was he good?”

Dean scoffed a little. “The best, seriously”

“Remind me again why you’re not together?” Jo asked, rolling her eyes.

“Okay, his name is Balthazar” Dean replied.

“Ooo, is that jealousy I hear, Dean?” Charlie grinned, nudging his shoulder.

“No, I just hate him” Dean replied, hating how childish he sounded. And how blatant his lie was.

Charlie gave him an unconvinced look, but didn’t call him out on it. “So back up, how did this even happen?”

“Oh uh… it’s a personal thing I can’t really tell you that” Dean replied, a little more seriously.

“Give us a hint?” Charlie smiled, tugging at his sleeve. “C’mon Dean, I’ve been waiting for this for our whole friendship”

“Alright fine, he didn’t think he was good at it and he wanted to get better. He asked me because obviously, I’m the best” Dean smirked, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

“He asked you to teach him how to be better at making out?” Charlie asked. “Dude, that sounds like budget porno type stuff”

“Shut up, works for me” Dean shrugged.

“Does it?” Charlie asked. “You don’t seem to happy about playing stand in for British McDouchebag”

Dean rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to reply when Henrikson stuck his head around the corner. “Class has started” He told them. “I don’t want to see you back here again” He added as they filed past him.

“Yes, sir” Dean nodded, rolling his eyes once they passed. He had bigger things on his mind today.

~

Dean had been laid on his bed for two hours when the doorbell sounded. He stayed on his back, listening to Dark Side of The Moon and trying to find some kind of comfort in it.

“Dean, Castiel is here” Mary called up the stairs.

He froze for a moment, as if his mom would be able to tell right there and then what had happened while they were out of the house. He got up slowly and went downstairs, smiling a little to Cas.

“Alright, alright, I’ll get out of your hair” Mary chuckled. “Is Anna home? Sam’s been asking”

“Yes, she’s at home” Cas nodded politely. Anna and Sam were about the same age, which Dean was thankful for, as it meant she could play with Sam when he wanted to have his time with Cas at events that both of their families attended.

“Great, I’ll send him over soon then” Mary replied. “John and I need to get groceries”

“I told Dad you’d be sending him if he was home, that’s fine” Cas replied, not even glancing at Dean until she’d left to go get Sam. “Can we talk?” He said quietly.

Dean nodded for him to follow as they went up to his room. They both sat for a moment, listening to the end of Eclipse until everyone left the house. “I’m really sorry, Cas”

“About what?” Cas frowned.

“Friday, I kinda felt like it wasn’t a good idea but I didn’t say anything because… well” Dean paused.

“It wasn’t a bad idea” Cas replied. “Or at least, I don’t think so”

“Oh?” Dean replied.

“Yes” Cas nodded. “I only wanted to establish some boundaries”

“Boundaries?” Dean repeated. “If I made you uncomfortable-”

“You didn’t” Cas shook his head. “I meant boundaries for you. I know you don’t want anyone to know about what we’re doing, so I’ve been taking measures to make sure no one can guess”

Dean smiled a little. “Is that why you were so distant at school all day?”

“I wouldn’t say distant”

“What would you say?”

“Cautious”

“Cas” Dean chuckled, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t need to be”

“But you don’t want people to know” Cas frowned.

“Yeah, but no one suspected anything before” Dean replied. “So we could just keep on acting like that”

“Oh” Cas commented slowly. “If that’s okay with you”

“That’s fine with me” Dean smiled, relief tightening the knot in his stomach.

“There was uh- another reason” Cas blushed.

“Whats that?”

“It’s hard for me to look at you without thinking about Friday” Cas mumbled. “And I don’t want to feel like that at school”

“Do you want to stop?” Dean asked, and Cas shook his head quickly.

“Okay” Dean chuckled. “Uh, in that case… we’re not at school anymore. And I don’t know when I’ll be lucky enough to get a free house again”

Cas chuckled a little. “I see why girls like you Dean, you’re very smooth”

Dean smiled and blushed a little. “You’re not too bad yourself Cas” He replied.

“I want to learn something new today” Cas told him. “Different to last time”

“We can do that” Dean nodded. “But just so you know… uh- what we did last time is a good starting point for anything”

“We can start with that then” Cas nodded, pulling his hoodie sleeves a little nervously.

“Should we uh… just see where things go?” Dean offered, and he nodded graciously.

Dean moved a little, sitting up against his pillows and nodding for Cas to come sit with him. Cas moved over, sitting himself down across Dean’s waist and pulling of his hoodie to throw it to one side. Dean swallowed, reminding himself not to put Cas down as a blushing virgin. He knew from last time that he was more capable than he made out.

“Do you have any boundaries I should know about?” Cas asked, meeting his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

“No uh- nothing really” Dean swallowed again.

“What about your clothes?” Cas asked.

“What about my clothes?”

“Balthazar sometimes likes to keep his shirt on” Cas blushed a little, and Dean tried to ignore that reminder, feeling it like a punch in the gut.

“You can take my shirt off if you want to” Dean chuckled.

Cas nodded. “Likewise” He replied. “And my other clothes”

“Likewise” Dean nodded, licking his bottom lip quickly at the mental image.

Cas nodded slowly, waiting a moment before he leaned in. Dean kissed back, softly at first but soon matching the heat and intensity of their previous encounter. Cas pushed him gently down onto his back, laying over him and pressing his body fully against him as they continued the kiss. Dean stroked his hands down Cas’ back, groping his ass with one hand while the other held the small of his back. Cas groaned at that, legs moving to straddle Dean’s thigh. Dean felt himself swell even further when Cas pressed his own arousal against him.

Within minutes, Cas’ hand was stroking down Dean’s shirt and he shivered in anticipation. He nudged his tee up just enough to reveal some skin before reaching further still, as if his hand had changed its mind about going for his shirt and instead wanted to go straight for it. He palmed slowly over his jeans, digging the heel of his hand just right and making Dean moan involuntarily. He rutted against his hand for a few moments before he reached down, begrudgingly pulling Cas’ hand away.

“Sorry” Cas blushed, looking up at him and pulling his hand back.

“No- it was great” Dean panted a little. “I just think maybe I should get my pants off before you start really going for it”

“Got it” Cas nodded, like he was making a mental note of that. “We should um… take off our shirts… that seems like a natural progression, right?”

“Dude, it’s not natural if you have to say it” Dean chuckled, nudging Cas’ shirt up a little on his hip. Cas smiled a little, sitting up straighter as he tugged off his shirt.

“Dude, holy shit” Dean muttered, looking over his body for a moment.

“What?” Cas blushed.

“You’re, like… ripped” Dean commented, running his finger gently over Cas’ toned stomach. Cas shuddered a little, smiling up at him.

“You think so?” He asked. “I go out running quite a lot”

“It’s paying off” Dean nodded, licking his lips as he imagined toned thighs to go along with his tones abdomen. Thinking about Cas’ runners body wrapped around him.

“Now you” Cas nudged his shirt.

Dean blushed and swallowed. “Okay, but only because I don’t want to do the same as Balthazar” He replied, tugging off his shirt.

Cas grinned and for a moment Dean thought he was laughing at him, going immediately to pull his shirt back on. “I love it” Cas smiled, pushing Dean back down to sit over his waist again.

“Really?” Dean blushed. “I know I’ve put on weight since last time you saw me like this” Dean mumbled. He’d stopped playing football a few months ago, just before summer started, and couldn’t find the confidence to go swimming with Cas like they usually did.

Cas shrugged. “I like it” He smiled stroking a hand gently down Dean’s belly.

“Never knew you were into chubby guys” Dean chuckled.

“You’re not exactly chubby, Dean” Cas pointed out. “Just soft. And who doesn’t like soft?” He hummed. From anyone else, it would have sounded condescending, but from Cas it was painfully sincere.

Dean pulled him back into the kiss, for fear that he would let his feelings spill in this rare sappy moment that they seemed to be having. Cas found his neck again in no time, kissing and sucking gently. Scraping his teeth, but never hard enough to leave marks. Dean was groaning and desperate under him in record time. He felt Cas’ hand at his fly again and lifted his hips into the touch, letting him open up the buttons and nudge his jeans down.

“Have you uh-?” Dean asked, looking up at him.

Cas shook his head. “I mean- not just like this…. and not on another person”

Dean flushed a little as he realised what Cas meant. He thought of his friend, laid out on his bed that he’d sat on so many times, touching himself. The thought made him swell even further, and he shuddered under him. “That’s hot” Was all he commented.

“That I’ve never got Balthazar off with just my hand before?” Cas raised his eyebrow.

“No, the other thing” Dean replied. “And, can we stop mentioning your boyfriend please? Kind of a boner killer”

“Got it” Cas nodded, seemingly unfazed by Dean’s slip up; reminding him he had a boyfriend while they were doing this.

“You wanna umm… you want me to do you first?” Dean offered, seeing the way Cas was chewing on his lip.

“I think that would be best” Cas nodded, rolling onto his back. “Can we take off our clothes though? I don’t like to be the only one”

“Of course” Dean nodded, unbuttoning Cas’ fly for him before he decided to stand up to take off his jeans. Cas watched him intently, making his movements a little more self-conscious. When he saw Dean watching him, he lifted his hips a little, shimmying out of his own jeans.

“Holy shit” Dean muttered to himself, noticing his thighs were even better than he pictured. For fear of coming right there and then, he forced the image of those same thighs wrapped around his waist out of his mind.

“Should we- umm?” Cas slipped his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, watching Dean.

“In a minute” Dean nodded, climbing back onto the bed with him and positioning himself over him. He kissed him deep and slow, wanting the first time he saw Cas naked to be at his own hands. He slid his hand down gently, nudging Cas’ underwear down and out of the way. He didn’t break the kiss until he felt Cas do the same with his, maintaining eye contact even when he pulled away.

Cas was first to glance down, face turning red before he looked back up at Dean. “That’s different” He whispered.

“Weird different?” Dean worried, glancing down too. Cas was a little longer than him, but not as thick. Cas’ cock twitched against his own at the attention, and he bit his lip before he looked back up.

“No” Cas shook his head quickly. “You’re bigger”

“Really? I’d say you were” Dean glanced down again.

“No I mean um…. bigger than uh-” Cas paused.

Dean took a second to realise who he was talking about, meeting his eyes again. He really couldn’t hide his proud smirk at that. “Oh yeah?”

Cas nodded. “Definitely”

Dean grinned to himself, finding a surge of confidence in that and kissing Cas deeply again. Cas kissed back just as eagerly, tongue finding Dean’s in record time. Dean rolled off to the side a little, propping himself up on his elbow as he stroked his right hand down Cas’ stomach. He felt him tense a little under his hand, kissing him more softly to calm him a little.

“Just relax Cas, I got you” He whispered softly, kissing along his jaw as he wrapped his hand around him. Cas let out a relieved groan, hips lifting a little when Dean started moving his hand. “Okay, so you wanna start slow” He whispered, twisting his wrist a little each time he reached Cas’ tip.

Cas moaned quietly, eyes closing. “W-what’s that you’re doing?” He asked.

“Oh uh- this part is sensitive” Dean said softly, rubbing his thumb gently just under Cas’ head and making his hips jump a little. “So if you do this-” He paused, flicking his wrist again. “It rubs up against it”

“Feels good” Cas nodded quickly, rocking his hips against Dean’s hand and gasping when he sped up.

“You wanna keep your fist tight- but make sure you’re not squeezing” Dean told him, licking his lip as he watched his own hand move around Cas. “But too loose is worse than too tight”

Cas nodded, eyes closed and head tipped back. Dean wasn’t actually sure if he was taking any of this in, but he would continue to teach him anyway. He loosened his grip a little, and Cas whined. “Please” He gasped, trying to get the friction back by rubbing himself against Dean’s hand again.

Dean swallowed hard, tightening up again and feeling the relief through Cas’ body. He stored the way that Cas had said that in the back of his mind for personal use later. The other boy used his free hand to grip Dean’s forearm, moaning a little louder than before. “Close- Don’t stop”

Dean bit his lip, nodding quickly. He sped up his hand, kissing at Cas’ neck for good measure as he did so. When he felt him tensing more, he swiped his thumb through the precum that had been gathering at his slit and rubbed it against that same spot again.

“Dean!” Cas gasped, grabbing him and moaning as he came a second later, shooting over his stomach and Dean’s hand.

“Holy-” Dean breathed, cut off by a fleeting kiss from Cas.

“That was amazing” He whispered.

“Thanks, I get that a lot” Dean teased, trying to ignore how gorgeous Cas looked right now. His hair was a mess, and he had that pink flush in his cheeks again. He was spread out across Dean’s bed, panting heavily and watching him like he was the greatest thing in the world. If the situation were any different, he would’ve taken a picture.

“I can believe that” Cas smiled, closing his eyes. Dean smiled softly, grabbing tissues from his dresser to clean him up. “You’re too nice to me Dean” He yawned, smiling over at him.

Dean shrugged and smiled back. “I wouldn’t say _too_ nice”

Cas watched him for a moment before he sat up a little, making grabby hands over at him. “C’mon, your turn”

Dean would’ve been chivalrous about that, but with the number of years he’d waited to have Cas touch him like that, he couldn’t have said no even if he tried.

He’d just got laid down with him again when, as if by some kind of divine intervention, they heard his parents’ car pull into the driveway.


	4. Step Three: Blowjobs

Things ran smoothly after that; Dean and Cas continued in public as normal, with no one except Charlie and Jo suspecting anything. They’d still corner Dean every time they got a chance but he’d come back with the same thing every time.

_I’m just helping out a friend, it’s not serious._

But every time it seemed to be a little more untrue.

Things came to a head when Ellen went away for the weekend, leaving Jo in charge of the Roadhouse. She was quick to invite them both to her impromptu ‘party’.

“It’s not really a party if only four of us are there” Cas pointed out over lunch when she asked them.

“Okay fine, then a gathering” Jo replied. “And I have free booze so c’mon”

“I don’t drink” Cas replied.

“Cas c’mon” Dean smiled, nudging his side. “It’ll be fun”

Cas let out a sigh like it was going to be a chore to bring himself to an evening out with his friends. “I suppose” He replied. “Will there be somewhere to sleep?”

“If you’re nice I might let you sleep in one of the booth seats” Jo replied.

Cas frowned a little, undoubtedly not understanding the sarcasm. He looked to Dean by way of explanation, his eyebrows still knotted.

“She’s joking Cas, don’t worry” Dean chuckled.

“Yeah, you guys can have the spare room, it’s the most soundproof anyway” Jo grinned and Charlie laughed quietly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cas asked.

“They’re just being childish, Cas” Dean assured him, taking his remaining fries to finish off himself.

“Huh” Cas huffed, taking the rest of Dean’s soda.

It was something Dean never usually thought about, the way they had a system for lunch now. Cas would always leave food that Dean would finish, and Dean would do the same with his drink. By the way Charlie was grinning at them, she clearly thought it wasn’t an innocent act of friendship like Dean did.

“I should head off, I’m meeting Kevin before math” Cas nodded when he finished, taking all of their trash and getting rid of it on his way out. Dean watched him go, but he didn’t look back.

“Oh my god, I can practically see the hearts in your eyes Dean” Charlie punched his shoulder.

“Ow, what was that for?” Dean frowned, rubbing it with his opposite hand.

“You _know_ what Dean, I was all for this at first but now you’re going to get someone hurt” Charlie told him, more seriously.

“Look Charlie, the only person that stands to get hurt here is me, and I’m fine with that” Dean replied.

Charlie scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Dean, I love you but you’re so stupid sometimes” She told him. “You think Cas isn’t into you? This is a big deal for him, he trusts you and that doesn’t come easy”

“I know, but he loves Balthazar not me” Dean snapped back, saying it out loud making it feel too real. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing more than anything that Charlie would just leave him alone about this. “I’ve thought about it, okay? And he wants this for now, but as soon as Balthazar gets back-”

Charlie watched him, as if she was waiting for him to continue. “You have to say something Dean” She said, more helpful than accusing this time. “You’ll regret it if you don’t”

“I’ll regret it more if he doesn’t feel the same” Dean replied, picking up his things and leaving before she could try and convince him.

#

On Friday, the three of them sat across the bar from Jo.

“What can I get for you, my good sir?” She smiled to Dean, leaning her elbows on the countertop.

“Just give me one of the beers and stop being weird” Dean chuckled.

On fear of being found out by Ellen for taking advantage of the beer on tap, he’d brought his own case. He was probably more scared of Ellen than anyone, despite her being something of a maternal figure to him.

Jo hummed and opened a can for him, handing it over. “Three dollars please”

“Like hell, you should be paying me” Dean laughed back. “You want a tip?”

Jo narrowed her eyes a little. “I’ll pass, you can save whatever joke you were going to make for later”

“Did you bring orange juice?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean nodded back, resisting the urge to kiss his cheek as he hopped over the bar to find the bottle he’d brought.

“Excuse me, no unauthorised personnel behind my bar” Jo told him, nudging him when he crouched down to get the drink from his bag so he capsized.

“I’m getting you back for that later” He promised, getting up and pouring a glass for Cas, sliding it over the bar and then thinking better of it and catching it himself when Cas looked startled. “Dude, you have to get better at that”

“You need to get better at forewarning” Cas mumbled, taking a sip and smiling to him. “Thank you Dean”

Dean smiled and returned to his seat next to him, taking a sip of his drink.

The night went by quickly, and Dean was glad when the girls didn’t tease them too much about their closeness, even when they moved to a booth and Cas ended up laying his head against Dean’s shoulder. Dean put his arm along the back of the seat, taking another sip of his second beer.

“You’re really nursing them tonight Winchester” Jo pointed out.

“I’m babysitting” Dean smiled, nodding to Cas who he was sure had already fallen asleep on him. In truth, he didn’t want to forget anything about tonight. Or to make Cas uncomfortable by being drunk. He knew it wasn’t fun to be the only sober friend in a room of drunk people. Plus, he was sure Cas wouldn’t be up for cuddling if he smelt like a brewery.

He pushed that last thought out of his mind. He and Cas were _not_ a couple; and cuddling was something couples sharing a bed did. Not friends who occasionally do sex stuff together. There was a line, and Dean had to be careful not to cross it. If nothing else, but for his own sanity.

“Tired” Cas hummed after a lull in conversation.

“Me too, we should call it a night” Dean agreed, moving his arm from around Cas when he sat up.

“You guys are getting old” Jo replied. “C’mon Winchester, we haven’t even got to shots yet”

“I think I’ll pass tonight” Dean replied after a moment, sliding out of the booth after Cas.

“Okay fine, guest rooms set up for you” Jo gestured to the stairs. “Have fun” She added with a wink at Dean.

Dean was glad Cas didn’t seem to notice that last part, nudging her shoulder on the way past as he followed him upstairs. He led Cas to the guest room, chuckling a little at the chocolates on each pillow of the double bed. “Good service here, huh?”

“I don’t understand” Cas frowned, picking up the chocolate and observing it. “Why is this here?”

“It’s what hotels do Cas” Dean replied. “You’ve never been on vacation?”

“Not by most peoples’ definition” Cas hummed, putting the chocolate on the night stand and sitting down on the bed, his hands in his lap. “We stay with family when we go visit”

Dean nodded and sat down with him. “I’ll take you on a real vacation sometime” He smiled. “We uh- we can all go” He added quickly after when Cas looked at him.

“I’d like that” Cas smiled, checking his phone before putting it down with the chocolate on the nightstand.

“So um… you mind sharing? Because I can sleep on the couch if you want” Dean offered, noticing Cas was still sat a little stiffly.

Cas shook his head. “We’ve shared a bed before Dean” He pointed out. “And you’ve seen me naked, so I see no reason for this to be awkward”

“Right, sure” Dean nodded again, putting his own phone down on the nightstand.

“Dean” Cas sighed after a moment, turning to face him and crossing his legs under him. “Did you tell Charlie and Jo about us?”

“What about us?” Dean replied, panicking a little.

“About... what we’ve been doing” Cas replied, narrowing his eyes a little.

“Technically…. a little bit” Dean replied. “But, I just told them that we made out that one time because they got suspicious”

Cas sighed again and nodded. “Okay” He replied after a moment. “You didn’t tell them about…. me and Balthazar, right?”

“No way” Dean shook his head. “I wouldn’t tell anyone about that”

“Thank you, Dean” Cas nodded again. “I just wanted to make sure, I didn’t know if this was just their regular teasing”

“It mostly is I think” Dean nodded. “But uh- they’re probably excited that something happened, you know how weird they are”

Cas smiled a little at that. “They’ll be disappointed soon then, huh?”

Dean felt his heart drop a little at that, putting on a tight smile as he nodded back. “Yeah, they will”

“We should get some sleep” Cas nodded, laying down and watching Dean until he did the same. “Goodnight, Dean”

“Night, Cas” Dean replied, rolling to face away from him as he closed his eyes.

#

Dean woke up the next morning, his left arm dead beside him. He groaned a little, turning to see the cause of the problem; Cas sleeping on it.

“Dude” He whispered, nudging him as much as he could with the numb arm.

Cas grumbled and rolled away from him, letting Dean wiggle the life back into his fingers. “Woke me up” He grumbled, turning to face him, his blue eyes narrowed accusingly.

Dean smiled at the sight, letting himself believe for a moment that they were in a different situation. “Sorry, sleeping beauty”

Cas smiled fondly back, looking around them a little and further messing up his wild bed hair. “You think Jo and Charlie are still asleep?”

“Definitely, they’ll be hungover” Dean smiled.

“Well… Umm…” Cas blushed a little, staring over at Dean as if he’d know what he meant.

“You’re gonna have to give me a hint here dude” Dean chuckled.

“I um- your parents are always home and so are mine but…. Jo’s… umm” Ca flushed.

“Oh” Dean clicked after a moment. “So you uh- wanna do stuff now?”

“If that’s okay with you” Cas replied.

Dean grinned and nodded, rolling onto his side to look at him. “So what should we do?”

“I wanna give you something back for last time” Cas replied, moving and straddling his waist, nudging the duvet away from them.

“O- okay” Dean nodded. “Just the same as last time?”

Cas shook his head. “I wanna try something else” He replied, leaning in close and taking charge of the kiss as soon as Dean closed the gap between them. Cas worked quickly, moving from Dean’s lips to kissing along his jaw and then down his neck. He sucked and scraped his teeth lightly over his pulse point as he nudged his boxers down and Dean had to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from groaning too loudly.

Cas smiled when he looked up at him, making Dean blush a little. “What?”

“Nothing, just glad you’re enjoying yourself” Cas commented, nudging his boxers down enough to get a hand around his length.

“Fuck” Dean gasped, biting his lip again. Feeling Cas touch him like this was everything he’d ever imagined and more. He rocked into the touch, arching his back slightly when he felt Cas’ lips against his stomach.

He felt himself leak a drop of pre-cum as Cas’ lips worked closer to his head. He looked down just soon enough to see his tongue swipe it away before taking the tip into his mouth. Dean held back a moan there as best he could, making a small noise in the back of his throat. Cas hummed around him and Dean’s hand went, almost instinctively, into his hair. He tugged gently, feeling the vibrations of Cas’ own moan as he took him deeper.

“Fuck- Cas” Dean gasped when he hit the back of his throat, looking down at him. “You’re- holy fuck you’re good at this”

Cas ran his tongue against the sensitive spot on Dean’s underside that he’d told him about and Dean was sure if he hadn’t been laying down, he would have collapsed. He tugged at Cas’ hair, groaning quietly. “You ah- Swallow, Cas- Please”. Cas obliged, swallowing around him and pulling Dean’s head even deeper into his throat. Dean moaned at that, fisting his free hand into the sheets for fear that he would pull Cas’ hair out if he didn’t.  “Cas- I’m gonna-” Dean panted, looking down at him.

Cas met his eyes with no sign of pulling off. He swallowed again and moaned as he did so, sending vibrations through Dean that pushed him over the edge just seconds later. He moaned when he came, all regard for Charlie and Jo forgotten. Cas held his hip, stroking his thumb over it as he swallowed each load that came before pulling off slowly and licking him clean.

“Jesus Christ” Dean gasped when he caught his breath.

“Was that good?” Cas asked, his voice slightly hoarse. He looked at him again with those expectant blue eyes, and Dean had to wonder what could ever make him think that he’d done anything other than amazing. He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to think about him right now.

“Cas, that was amazing” Dean replied, stroking his hair gently. “Your hair is messed up” He chuckled softly.

“Yours isn’t much better” Cas smiled fondly.

Dean watched him for a moment, the two of them laid on their sides, and he knew Charlie was right. They couldn’t keep going like this, not when it felt this real. He took a breath.

“Hey Cas, can we talk?” He asked quietly, heart racing already.

“We can talk about anything, Dean” Cas smiled innocently, putting his hand on his arm. Dean was about to begin when Cas’ phone vibrated next to them. “Sorry” Cas mumbled, fumbling for it. “I have to take this, but why don’t you come over later and we can talk?”

“Yeah, sure” Dean nodded, relieved and annoyed all at once. He sat up when Cas did, watching him for a moment.

“Hey baby” Cas smiled, pulling on his clothes and holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder. “I know, I miss you”

Dean felt like his whole chest was tightening. He gestured to Cas that he was leaving, only getting out of the bedroom before he leaned against the wall to try and calm himself down a little. He made it to the bathroom, watching himself in the mirror for a moment and trying to push away his thoughts.

_He wasn’t good enough for Cas._

_Cas didn’t want him, he wanted Balthazar._

_Cas was never going to love him back._

“Dean” Cas’ voice interrupted him from outside the door. “I gotta run, I’ll text you later, okay?”

Dean cleared his throat a little, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, have fun” He replied, waiting until he heard his footsteps going back downstairs before he came out.

He made his way to Charlie and Jo’s room, finding them both awake if only just. “Where’s lover boy?” Jo yawned.

“Don’t” Dean replied, voice breaking a little.

Charlie held out her arms and Dean didn’t even hesitate as he went over to lay with her. “It’s okay, kiddo” She told him, stroking his hair.

The more she said it; the less Dean believed it.


	5. Step Four: Sex

_Sorry, something came up. Raincheck? CN_

Dean already knew this was coming. He’d seen Balthazar’s car in the driveway when he’d driven past Cas’ house. He got home around lunchtime, laying on his back for the rest of the day and hating himself for it. He didn’t want to feel sorry for himself; he knew what he was getting into.

He tried hard the next few days to act like this wasn’t affecting him. Even when Cas came into school a week later with pictures of the new apartment that he and Balthazar were going to rent. Of the three of them, Dean was the most enthusiastic, probably due to overcompensation. Charlie and Jo smiled politely but otherwise just watched Dean for any sign of another breakdown.

“So, uh, how close is the apartment to college?” Dean asked when there was a lull in the conversation.

“It’s umm… it’s only a few miles from here” Cas mumbled, folding the pictures up to put them away.

“What?” Dean replied, an edge in his voice now. “What about California? You got a scholarship from Berkeley, Cas, does he know that?”

“Just because I got a scholarship doesn’t mean I have to go” Cas replied, frowning.

“But it would be stupid not to” Dean replied.

“Balthazar doesn’t want to move to California, Dean, I can’t just force him”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to see you waste your whole fucking life with him Cas, but here I am putting up with it” Dean snapped.

He regretted it as soon as he spoke, especially considering the whole lunch room went all but silent and he realised he must have spoken louder than he meant to. “Dean” Cas said quietly, and Dean tried to ignore the slight shake he heard in his voice.

Dean sighed. “I’ll see you later” He replied, getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulder as he left.

Dean knew his mom would skin him alive if she ever found out he was smoking, but; desperate times. He made his way to the back of the building where he’d been interrogated by Charlie only a few weeks prior. He lit up the menthol and thought about how his Dad would tell him there was no point smoking if you weren’t going to do it for real. He smoked through his first a little faster, as if to spite him, and spat on the ground when he’d finished. He’d never really had much of a taste for it. He got through one more before the bell sounded for the end of lunch, waiting a while longer before he stomped out the end and slipped the pack back into his bag.

Neither his friends nor Henrikson came to bother him as he packed up and left on his own terms. At least something was going right today.

#

“Dean!”

Dean winced a little when his mom called him down that night. There was someone at the door, and he knew exactly who. Purely to keep up appearances, he made his way downstairs and nodded for Cas to follow him back up.

“So, I guess you’re here to yell at me?” Dean asked once he closed his bedroom door behind them.

“Why would I yell at you, Dean?” Cas replied, his voice so soft it just about made Dean’s chest ache.

“Y’know, the whole ‘ _You should really be nicer to Balthazar, Dean, I love him, I was always nice to Lisa’_ ” Dean imitated his friend’s deep voice as best he could, his throat hurting a little afterwards.

“I was always nice to Lisa” Cas nodded. “But I understand your problem with Balthazar”

“You do?” Dean raised his eyebrow.

“Yes” Cas nodded. “You two don’t get along and you worry that we won’t see each other as much if I live with him, but you know I’ll always make time for you Dean”

Dean sighed. “That’s not it, Cas”

“Then what is it?” Cas asked, standing so Dean had to look at him.

_Because I’m in love with you._

_Because you should be with me and not him._

_Because I’ve been in love with you since middle school._

“Because… he’s an ass” Dean settled on.

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes. “Dean”

“I know, I’m sorry” Dean replied. “Just hard for me to hand over my best friend to someone I don’t like, y’know?”

“I suppose I can understand that” Cas replied. “But I came over here to offer you something”

“Yeah?”

“We have to go to the first viewing of the apartment, but Balthazar has a job interview” Cas replied. “I wondered if you wanted to come with me”

Dean considered it for a moment. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt, but I’m not holding back if I don’t like it”

“I would expect nothing less” Cas smiled. “And I need your handy man skills checking things out for me”

“Of course” Dean chuckled softly. “Let me guess, you want me to drive too?”

Cas smiled sweetly, batting his eyelashes for emphasis. “Pretty please”

“How could I say no to that face?” Dean smiled, ruffling Cas’ hair.

~

The day came sooner than Dean had anticipated, and not only because Cas had neglected to tell him until the last minute that the viewing was that weekend. Dean hadn’t even had enough time to mentally prepare, he’d need at least a month to prepare himself for walking around an apartment with Cas, something he always assumed they’d do together but under very different circumstances.

He got the car packed up with snacks and his mix tapes for the journey.

“It’s not a mix tape if you only put AC/DC on it Dean” Cas would always object.

Dean smiled fondly at the memory as he walked across the street, tapping on Cas’ door. His mood dropped immediately when Balthazar answered the door. He hadn’t seen him face to face in almost a year, and he’d hoped to keep it that was for at least the next several.

“Dean” The other man nodded, and Dean tried his best not to repeat his own accent back to him sarcastically.

“Balthazar” He replied flatly.

“I assume you’re here for Castiel” Balth stated.

“No, no, this little exchange is just enough to get me through the day” Dean replied sarcastically, looking behind him to see Cas coming down the stairs.

“Take care of him” Balthazar replied, narrowing his eyes a little. Dean wondered for a moment if Cas had told him about what they’d been doing; the idea knocked his bravado for a moment but he straightened up a little more and shook it off.

“He’s a person, not a n ornament I think we’ll be fine” He replied.

“Be nice” Cas’ voice warned. He nudged past Balthazar to get outside with Dean. Dean smirked a little to him when Cas was at his side, tempted to put his arm around him but he knew that wasn’t his place. “I’ll see you later, babe” Cas added, straightening Balthazar’s tie for him.

Whether it was deliberate or not, the older man glanced at Dean before he pulled Cas into a kiss. Dean rolled his eyes, looking up so as not to have to witness the display.

“I love you” Balthazar murmured when they finally parted. Dean almost punched him for how fake it sounded, clearly only intended for his benefit. If he’d been in his shoes, he would have said it every time like it was the last time he’d ever be able to.

“I love you too” Cas replied, and there was something tragic about how much more genuine it sounded.

#

“So, what’s Douch- Balthazar doing at your house?” Dean asked when they’d been driving for a little while.

“My parents are away for the week, Gabriel went to stay with Kali and Anna wanted to stay with my aunt so I had to look after the house” Cas replied.

“Oh” Dean replied, looking around as he drove despite having driven down here countless times before.

“I was going to tell you but- Balth said we should do this as like practise for living together” Cas smiled fondly to himself.

“And how are you finding it?” Dean asked.

“He’s messy” Cas replied. “My room looks like a bomb went off, and he stays up on his computer forever, but other than that it’s nice”

Dean was surprised by that. Cas always kept his room neat, he wouldn’t even let Dean put a drink down without a coaster. “Huh”

“I guess it’s difficult to get used to anyone’s living habits” Cas shrugged. “Even we’d probably get mad at each other if we lived together”

“I don’t think we would” Dean replied. “We know each other too well”

“How so?” Cas asked.

“I know you get mad when people make noise after nine because you like to read for an hour before you got to sleep” Dean replied.

“You only know that because I told you” Cas pointed out.

“I still know it though” Dean replied. “And you don’t like using your phone in bed because of that time you spent three hours watching vines by accident and you came into school all grumpy”

“That’s not the only reason Dean, I don’t think people should use technology in bed” Cas replied. “It’s for sleeping, and reading”

“Anything else?” Dean teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

Cas blushed and went quiet, looking out of the window.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it weird” Dean added after a moment.

“That’s okay” Cas mumbled back.

“So uh… have you?” Dean asked, tuning to face him when they pulled up at a red light. “Since he got back, I mean”

Cas shook his head. “Been busy and stuff”

“Right” Dean nodded, trying not to be too happy at that.

~

“So uh, I’ll leave you two to have look around” The realtor smiled after she’d shown then the outline of the place. There wasn’t really that much to see; it was a pretty basic place. One bedroom, one bathroom, kitchen, and what Dean would argue barely constituted a living room.

He followed Cas into the kitchen, looking around and opening some cabinets. “So, what do you think?” He asked him.

“It looked bigger in the photographs” Cas commented, looking around again before looking at Dean and giggling. Dean did the same, closing the cabinet he was looking in.

“Yeah, it’s pretty small” He agreed. “But y’know, it’s your first apartment together”

“I don’t think Balth will like it much though” Cas said softly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “We can’t really afford much else at the moment”

Seeing that Cas was about to get upset, Dean moved a little closer. “Hey, it’s not that bad” He pointed out. “Just think, when you’re done with college and you’re a superstar doctor, you’ll have a big fancy house” He smiled.

One side of Cas’ lips tugged up in a half smile. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely” Dean replied. “And when you’re in your big fancy house, with your fancy kids and your cats-”

“I have cats?” Cas smiled.

“You love cats, of course you do” Dean smiled back. “And when you have all that, you can laugh about this place. But you’ll still love it, because it was the first place you ever lived with that person you loved, and yeah it was small but you fell even more in love with them when you were there, even before you’d made it big time” He finished softly, hoping it wasn’t obvious that he’d thought a lot on this before.

Cas pulled him into a tight hug after that, his arms around his waist. Dean let his chin rest on Cas’ shoulder, resisting the urge to bury his face into the crook of his neck like he wanted to. He felt Cas’ heart hammering against his chest, and stroked one hand gently down his back.

“Cas, can I ask you something?” He said softly.

“Anything” Cas replied softly, holding onto Dean’s shirt.

“When you think about that, do you think about Balthazar?” He asked.

“I used to” Cas said quietly. “But now I’m not so sure”

“You don’t have to listen to me Cas, but I really think you’ll be missing out on a lot if you stay with him” Dean replied softly. “And I’m not just saying that because I don’t like him”

“I do love him” Cas said quietly, as if he was trying to reassure himself. “I… just don’t know that I want things like this”

“Like what?” Dean asked.

“Here” Cas sighed. “I wanted to move away, go to a different state”

“If he was serious, he’d move with you Cas” Dean replied, moving his arms when Cas went to pull back.

“It’s not fair though Dean” Cas told him, leaning back against the counter. “If I make him come to California with me, how is that any different than him making me stay here with him?”

Dean sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. For a moment, he could just see this; Cas leaning against the counter in their kitchen, telling Dean about his day, Dean holding him when he got upset, cheering him up by making pizza with him like they used to do when they were kids. He smiled a little to himself, stopping when Cas looked back at him and he was snapped back into realty.

“Cas, is he your best friend?” He asked.

“You know you’re my best friend, Dean” Cas replied matter-of-factly.

“Ignore me for a minute, is he your best friend?” Dean asked. “Could you talk to him about anything? Or come to him with any problems, or laugh about stupid stuff with him?”

Cas paused and looked down, sighing softly. “Not like we can, Dean”

Dean’s heart fluttered a little at that before he replied. “If you love someone, it should be easy Cas” He said softly.

Cas sighed and moved closer. Dean thought he was going in to hug him again, but he wrapped his arms around his neck, looking into his eyes. “Everything is easy with you, Dean”

Dean opened his mouth to speak, closing it again when he couldn’t find the right words. “Cas” He whispered after a moment.

“Do you ever think we could have something real, Dean?” Cas whispered back.

“I hardly think about anything else” Dean admitted in a rush. His heart hammered hard in his chest when he saw Cas’ eyes wide a little and he was about to take it all back when he felt him press his lips against his.

Dean melted into the kiss immediately, as if he was making up for all the lost time he’d spent thinking about Cas, or watching him with Balthazar. This wasn’t just practise for him anymore, and Dean could feel it. He wanted to make Cas feel everything that he couldn’t say. For his lips to find another way to tell him how much he cared about him.

When Cas finally pulled back they were both breathless, Dean holding onto his waist like he was scared to let go, and Cas doing the same around his neck. “Take me home” Cas said quietly and Dean nodded, leading him out and back to the car after a few brief words to the realtor.

He drove quickly, scared that Cas would change his mind if they didn’t get home fast enough. He thanked God when they pulled into Cas’ driveway and saw Balthazar’s car was nowhere to be seen. The second they were inside Dean picked him up, taking him up to his room and ignoring Balthazar’s things littered everywhere. He laid Cas out on the bed under him, positioning himself over him and continuing the kiss with the same passion from before.

If it was up to him, he would spend hours just kissing him. Get him laid out under him and just kiss every inch of his body so Cas could maybe get even some hint of how much he loved him; how truly beautiful he thought he was, inside and out. But he knew they didn’t have time for that, so a watered-down version would have to do.

They both undressed quickly, and Dean took a few seconds to admire Cas all over again before he started kissing carefully down his neck. Cas’ breathing hitched, but he didn’t speak; they didn’t have to. Dean kissed over his chest and stomach, looking up to find Cas looking down at him as he kissed around and over his length, licking gently when he reached the sensitive spot under his tip.

“Dean” Cas gasped softly, fumbling into his bedside drawer and tossing the bottle of lube over to him. Dean obliged quickly, knowing they didn’t have much time, and lubed up two of his fingers, nudging Cas’ thighs apart.

“You feel okay?” He checked softly, almost scared of his answer. Cas nodded quickly, reaching down with his right hand so Dean could hold it with his left. He laced their fingers together, kissing the back of Cas’ hand and keeping a hold as he slid his first digit slowly inside him. Cas gasped softly again, squeezing Dean’s hand. Dean squeezed back, reassuring him as he worked his two fingers inside, adding a third with some more lube after a moment.

“Dea- Please” Cas moaned softly, tugging at his hand a little. Dean nodded and moved up a little more over him, peering into the same drawer and smiling when he found a condom. He slid his fingers carefully out of Cas and grabbed it, sliding it on and watching Cas as he did. Cas was looking down, watching Dean’s hand with rapt interest and biting his bottom lip again.

“I’ll make it comfortable, don’t worry” Dean said softly, kissing him gently again in reassurance. Cas’ body relaxed under him, moving his legs a little further apart when Dean nudged between them. When he first pressed against Cas’ hole he felt him tense again. “Relax baby, I’m not going to hurt you” He whispered, feeling Cas relax by degrees until he could slide in carefully.

“Dean” Cas gasped when he pushed in as far as he felt he could.

“Okay?” Dean asked, looking into his eyes.

Cas nodded back quickly, holding onto Dean’s back. “You can go deeper” He told him, licking his lip again and pulling Dean into a kiss as he obliged.

When he bottomed out for real, he was sure he was going to come on the spot. Cas tightened around him and he started rolling his hips, slow and shallow at first but getting deeper when Cas prompted him to. He pressed his face against Cas’ neck, moaning softly when Cas dug his nails into his back.

“Oh my god” Cas gasped after a few minutes, and Dean half grinned to himself, pushing back against the same spot a little harder. “Dean” He moaned deeply, scrabbling at his back to get him closer.

Dean kept pushing deep against the same spot, his movements getting faster and more erratic as he got closer, Cas’ moans and curses only spurring him on more. He felt Cas’ hand on his arm as he got closer, reaching for the hand that was on his waist and pulling it away to hold it again. Dean squeezed back when Cas laced their fingers, kissing him deeply as he felt him come between them, his moans breathed between their mouths. It didn’t take long before Dean came right after him, Cas’ tightening and moaning pushing him over the edge.

It took a while before anyone spoke. Dean pulled out and cleaned them both up, laying beside him when he was done. Cas kept panting for a while, just staring at the ceiling even when Dean looked over at him. “That was fun, huh?” He asked.

Cas nodded, swallowing as he got his breath back. “Dean” He said softly, turning onto his side and stroking gently through his dirty blonde hair. He looked almost ready to cry, his eyes shining even in the dim light of the room.

“Yeah?” Dean prompted, heart hammering in anticipation.

There was a pause for what felt like forever before Cas spoke, moving his hand away from Dean’s hair and surveying him for another moment. “You should go”

Dean had been expecting three words from Cas; but never in his worst nightmares did he imagine it would be those.


	6. Step Five: Happily Ever After

He’d been laid in his room ever since he got back from Cas’ at about lunch time, pulling his duvet up over him and letting himself cry for a while. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, he didn’t trust himself not to spill everything if he did. Besides; this was his problem, so he could deal with it himself. Charlie had been nice to him last time, but he was sure she would beat him up if she found out about today. He felt like beating himself up.

He was so stupid, why did he think Cas would just up and leave Balthazar for him like that? He rubbed his eyes again when he thought about how Cas had kissed him. How he’d wanted so badly to believe that they were going to make a real go of it.

“Sam, go away” Dean groaned when there was a knock at his door.  The door opened slowly and Dean rubbed at his eyes quickly with his sleeve.

“I made pie, thought you might be interested” His mother said softly, closing the door just as softly as she’d opened it and sitting down on the edge of Dean’s bed.

“Not hungry” Dean mumbled, his voice hoarse from not talking for a while, he sat up a little and hoped his eyes weren’t too red.

He almost cried again when Mary stroked her hand gently through his hair. “Sweetheart, I hate seeing you like this” She said softly. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but I get it if you don’t want to tell me about it, okay?”

“I don’t feel like talking, mom” Dean said quietly, finding a little comfort in the gesture anyway.

“Okay honey, I’m right here when you do” She said softly. “But I think whoever it is, you should really tell them how you feel” She added. Dean would’ve rolled his eyes if he hadn’t been so upset. His mom always knew what kind of trouble he was having.

“I tried that mom, they don’t feel the same” Dean replied, sniffing a little. “And it _sucks,_ but you can’t force people to love you back”

“You really love them?” Mary asked softly.

“So much” Dean’s voice broke a little and he nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone so much in my life”

“Well then you need to go for it” She replied, as if it was that simple. “Get it all out on the table, and tell them how you feel, sweetie”

“I did” Dean replied. “I said I wanted him to leave his stupid boyfriend, and his stupid apartment and be with me because I love him so much, there’s not a single day that goes by that I don’t want to scream because he chose _him_ instead of me”

Dean froze for a moment after he spoke, heart still pounding from his outburst. He’d just as good as come out to his mom, and she hadn’t said anything for a good minute.

“Y’know” She started, watching Dean as if she was considering something, before smiling as if she’d figured it out. “I never much liked Balthazar either”

Dean flushed a little, sitting up again. “What?”

“Dean honey, Castiel looks at you like you’re the sun, it wasn’t exactly difficult to figure out” Mary replied.

“He’s just nice like that” Dean shrugged, still blushing deeply. “He wants to be with Balthazar”

“I don’t think Castiel knows what he wants” She said softly, stroking Dean’s hair again. “I think he’s very naïve, and Balthazar is taking advantage of that”

Dean sighed and wiped his eyes again. “So, what do I do then?”

“You’re his best friend, Dean” She smiled a little. “You just gotta support him”

Dean sighed, slumping down a little. “Guess so”

“I’ll save you some pie” She smiled, kissing his forehead before she left him alone again.

#

“I can’t, Charlie, I can’t” Dean panicked when he saw Cas walking into the lunch hall.

They hadn’t spoken since the incident, and Cas hadn’t even tried to contact him. This is not how Dean wanted their first interaction since that to go down.

“Dean, if you don’t talk to him now it’s just going to get harder” Charlie told him, keeping a hold of his jacket. “Don’t you dare- Dean”

Dean got up as soon as Cas spotted them, leaving as quickly as he could and not stopping to look back until he was behind the building, panting a little. He saw the butt of the cigarette from last time and contemplated it for a moment before he realised he’d left his bag inside. He nudged the loose gravel with his foot, steadying his breathing as he thought about his next move. He needed to talk to Cas, but that was also the last thing he wanted to do. His decision was made for him when he heard someone else walking over.

“Hello, Dean” Cas greeted quietly.

Dean looked up, nodding politely as if Cas was a passing stranger and not his best friend of more than a decade. His eyes looked red, as if he’d been crying or losing sleep; or both. Dean was sure he didn’t look much better.

“I owe you an apology” Cas began, shuffling a little and kicking small clouds of dust up with his foot.

“For what?” Dean shrugged, as if he hadn’t been up all night thinking about it.

“I know last night meant a lot to you- and I should’ve-”

Dean just about bristled at that, standing up a little straighter. “What do you mean meant a lot to _me_? You’re the one that started it, and made it all sappy” He replied defensively. His stomach twisted again. Last night didn’t mean anything to Cas, and he was here to tell Dean that he was so happy with Balthazar and that he was sad and pathetic for thinking he would just up and leave his boyfriend for Dean, who could barely even come out to himself.  

“Dean” Cas said softly, in a way that dean was sure was meant to calm him down but only served to piss him off even more.

“Y’know what Cas, save it” Dean replied. “You’ve made yourself clear”

He was just about to make his exit when Henrikson appeared, glaring between both of them. “Winchester, I told you about this” He snapped.

“Sorry sir, I was just leaving” Dean replied, glancing at Cas, who was staring at his shoes looking like he might cry.

“I’ve had enough of this, I’ll see both of you in my classroom tonight” Henrikson replied, stalking away before Dean could argue.

“Thanks a lot” Dean muttered, half to Cas, half to himself.

He followed out the way Henrikson had come before he could lose his resolve and apologise to Cas. He’d always been a sucker for seeing him cry.

#

Dean sat in the farthest corner of Henrikson’s room, playing with his pen on the desk as he waited for him, or Cas to arrive first. He’d considered not coming, but on the off chance that he decided to go to college next year, he didn’t need that on his record. His one saving grace was that Henrikson wouldn’t let them talk or sit together.

Sure enough, he recounted this to them when he came in, and Cas took a seat on the other side of the room. Dean pretended he didn’t notice that his friend was staring at him, continuing to watch his pen as he spun it on his desk.

“Winchester” Henrikson barked, and he stopped, putting the pen away and instead staring at the clock.

The silence was broken by the sound of Henrikson’s phone, and he excused himself to go take a call. Dean sighed when he left, wondering how much longer he’d keep them here.

“I broke up with Balthazar” Cas broke the silence one again, his voice shaking a little.

Dean paused a moment, his heart skipping as he looked over at him. “You, what?”

“I broke up with Balthazar” Cas repeated, his eyes even more red than earlier. He had his hands together on the desk, fiddling idly, and Dean could see he’d chewed at the skin around his fingernails. He’d always done that when he was nervous. Dean remembered the day of a big presentation to his English class, he’d had to bandage up his thumb from biting it so much.

“Why?” Dean replied. He was sure his voice gave him away, but he still wanted to act as if he was nonchalant about the whole situation.

“Because last night was different” Cas replied. “Wasn’t just… you teaching me stuff”

“Must’ve given you the wrong impression then” Dean mumbled.

“I don’t think so” Cas replied. “I uh- I told Balthazar about it and he got upset”

“Why did you tell him?” Dean replied, frowning at the idea that Cas had shared that with someone else.

“He’s- he _was_ my boyfriend, Dean” Cas replied, sighing. “And I cheated on him”

“I thought you guys had that arrangement” Dean replied.

“I told him I was done with it when he came back” Cas replied, chewing at his thumb.

“So, last night, you knew- You didn’t mean for that to just be part of our deal?”

Cas shook his head a little. “I just- I wanted to” He added, so quietly that Dean could barely hear it for the sound of his heart hammering in his ears.

“So uh… What happened last night?” Dean asked, fiddling with his own hands to try and hide the fact that they were shaking.

“I told him, and he said he could be okay with it if I could tell him it didn’t mean anything” Cas replied, his face a little flushed now.

“Cas, what’re you saying?”

“It meant something to me Dean” Cas replied quickly. “I didn’t do it because I wanted the practise… the same way I didn’t ask you because I thought you’d be good at it…. I did it, all of it, because I trust you more than anyone else in the world”

“I-” Dean paused, not knowing how to respond to that.

“I love you, Dean” Cas replied. “I’ve always loved you, and I realised last night when you were talking about all that stuff at the apartment, that the only person I can ever see myself doing any of that with is you”

“Cas, please, tell me you’re not joking about any of this” Dean’s voice was shaking, but he didn’t care, watching Cas intently for a reaction.

“I would never lie to you, Dean” Cas replied, meeting his eyes with his own watery ones.

Dean didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He rubbed his eyes, and looked up when Henrikson, as if on cue, walked in to ruin the moment.

“I have an important matter to deal with, you boys can leave, but I expect you back here tomorrow” He told them both, grabbing his things before he left.

The second the door closed, Dean was on his feet. He walked over to Cas and took his face between his hands gently, stroking a stray tear away with his thumb. “I fucking love you, Cas”

Cas let out a soft laugh that Dean was sure was half a hiccup. “That would be so much more romantic if you didn’t swear at me, Dean”

“Don’t care” Dean grinned. “I’ve fucking loved you since I was twelve, and I’ll fucking love you until the second I die I swear to God”

Cas grinned and pulled him in, not caring that Dean almost fell ontop of him as they kissed. It was messy, and there was far too much teeth due to the fact neither of them could stop grinning lie dorks, but to Dean; it was the best kiss of his life.

“I have one condition” Cas smiled when they parted.

“Anything” Dean smiled back.

“You have to tell Charlie and Jo” Cas giggled.

“Oh God” Dean laughed. “Okay fine, but you have to come with me to buy ear plugs”

“Deal” Cas smiled.

Two weeks later when Dean finally got Charlie and Jo to an area they could offend anyone with their screaming, he almost wished he hadn’t been joking about the earplugs


	7. Epilogue

“Dean, she’s not gonna go anywhere” Cas whispered, slipping his arm around Dean as he walked up behind him. He kissed the back of his neck gently before resting his chin on his shoulder and watching with him.

“I know, just gimme another minute” Dean whispered back, smiling to himself as he slipped his hand over Cas’. He leaned against the door frame and watched the gentle rise and fall of the baby’s chest. Their baby.

“You’re lucky she’s not old enough to know what creepy is” Cas whispered with a smile.

“I’m not creepy, I’m just proud” Dean smiled.

“Me too” Cas whispered, both of them giggling when she made a snorting noise in her sleep. “Oh, she snores just like her daddy”

“Like her Papa you mean” Dean replied, grinning even when Cas nudged his ribs.

“You’re still happy with the name?” Cas asked, watching the baby again.

“I think Charlotte is perfect” Dean smiled back. “And her auntie Charlie will be more than happy with it”

“Mm, I can see it now” Cas smiled. “We owe a lot to her though, she was instrumental in helping us get our heads out of our asses”

“If we’re naming our kids after people who helped get our heads out of our asses I think we should name the next one Mary” Dean grinned.

“Next one?” Cas smiled, stroking Dean’s cheek gently.

“Yeah” Dean flushed a little, looking back at him. “What do you think?”

“I think you haven’t thought of enough names” Cas smiled back. “I want a whole bunch”

Dean smiled back. “Okay, I’ll work on names then”

“Hey, guess what?” Cas whispered after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“I think this is the part where we have our perfect life and we look back on the shitty apartment, huh?” Cas smiled, kissing his nose.

“I thought that part was our wedding night” Dean teased back.

“This is marginally more perfect” Cas smiled back, glancing at Charlotte when she cooed and smiling to her too.

“This isn’t even then best part baby, just you wait” Dean smiled.

“I struggle to see how things could get more perfect” Cas argued softly.

“You never know” Dean replied, kissing his temple. “We don’t even have a cat yet”

Cas laughed quietly. “That is true”

“Can’t wait for Bobby to meet her” Dean smiled, watching their baby with adoration.

“He knows he’s always welcome here” Cas replied.

“I was just gonna take her over to see him” Dean replied.

“Sure, when she’s a little bigger” Cas nodded. “Not like you’re taking her into the garage, right?” Cas laughed softly, stopping when he saw Dean watching him. “Please tell me you weren’t planning on taking our baby in a garage?”

“My dad used to take me all the time” Dean defended. “It’s not like I’m gonna put her under any cars of anything, although that would be super cute, her in a little jump suit” He giggled softly, stopping when he saw Cas’ expression.

“You’re not taking her up there” Cas replied.

“Okay but…. consider this” Dean paused, pulling Charlotte’s door closed gently before he stated tickling Cas’ sides.

“Dean! This isn’t fair!” Cas giggled, trying his best to wiggle away despite the hold Dean had around his waist.

“Just say _Dean’s the best_ and we can stop” Dean grinned back.

“Never” Cas giggled again.

“Mm, doesn’t matter, I hear it enough in bed anyway” Dean teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Yeah, from yourself” Cas laughed, nudging the back of Deans knee so they both collapsed.

Dean laughed at that, rolling onto his side t face Cas who was laid panting too. “Never hear you complaining”

“Mm, it’s almost true, you are the second best” Cas smiled back.

“And the first best is?” Dean replied, hand poised to tickle him again.

“Me” Cas giggled, squirming away from his hand and getting up to run downstairs.

Dean giggled again as he got up to follow. “Oh, you’re gonna get it”

“Gimme your best shot old man” Cas called back from the kitchen.

“We’re the same age, dork” Dean laughed as he chased him inside.

Sure, their house wasn’t the giant mansion that Dean had described to Cas that day at the apartment viewing. And Cas wasn’t yet a superstar doctor, he was still in the senior year of his training. But for Dean; it was even better than anything he’d ever imagined.


End file.
